Seriously this is getting a bit ridiculous. All of my thoughts just are jumping out throughout the day. Everyday I crave to get the words out and try not to leave anything out. I don't really know what I want to talk about today because life has really collapsed on me today. In chapel today it really hit me that we're coming to the end. For some people this will be the last weekend of their college career. Where the heck did our time go?! Granted we always say that time flies but this time it's not only flying but it is also coming to a close. It's scary in a way but refreshing as well. Why does life have to move forward like this? There aren't really any easy transitions. Think about it, this time next week I will be back home and preparing myself for the summer.
I came to my sister's graduation today. I was not too excited because it is also the last weekend I will have with all of my college friends before some of them move on to the real world. That is having a big effect on much of my mind right now. It's hard for me to focus on my family and enjoy this time because I'm being selfish and only thinking about how much fun I could be having back at Asbury. It sucks. Another feeling that I'm struggling with is if I'll ever really enjoy being around my family again. As of right now being at college is so much fun, I love it. Every time I go home to visit I just feel like I want to go back with my other friends and I honestly feel that I like spending time with them more than my family. Maybe it's because I'm the last kid and my other two sisters are out of the house and married. I just want to be independent now. I don't want to feel like I "should" come to my sister's graduation. I want to have that feeling because I want to, not because my parents "think" I should. How do I tell my parents these feelings without really hurting them? It's a tricky situation that I'm not ready to deal with yet.
After college I do NOT want to go anywhere near Mc Kenzie, TN. If at all possible I'll live near a city, preferrably a warm one and get a job. I want to be alone, with a new start. As for now, I should get back to studying for my finals next week.
Showing posts with label Family Matters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Matters. Show all posts
Friday, May 1, 2009
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Mixed Feelings
So Joey and Macie left about an hour ago now. It made me very sad to see them go, but all good things must come to an end right? Well maybe not, but this one did. It sucks. I'll be honest, there are a ton of things running through my mind. Some things are goals, life questions, life directions, how to deal with my parents, my true feelings, friends, and some other stuff.
The main thing is trying to deal with how I feel about my family. My interactions with my family have done nothing but push me away from them in this past year. I want to enjoy spending time with them, but every time I'm around them I feel bored, trapped, different, and annoyed. This sounds horrible, but it's how I feel. I know they love me and I love them, but I feel like it's time for me to go and make my own life now, and they want to keep helping me. While I appreciate their concern and will listen to their input, they need to understand that I may choose another way. It may be harder, but at least it's what I want. If they want to make me happy it may take some sacrifices that hurt from their part. At the same time if I truly wanted my family to be happy then I feel like I would need to do exactly what they say, which takes away from MY experiences. It's frustrating for sure.
I also want to be in school. I like school. I would even go as a far as saying that I'm starting to enjoy Asbury a little more. I've made some really good friends and the small campus is nice ...at times. So school is becoming more important to me. I want to learn now. I want to be successful after college.
I don't really know where I was going with that ^ but the beauty is that it doesn't matter. These blogs don't have to make sense, it's just a place where you can get a glimpse of what kinds of things are going on in my head. I'll be back later.
The main thing is trying to deal with how I feel about my family. My interactions with my family have done nothing but push me away from them in this past year. I want to enjoy spending time with them, but every time I'm around them I feel bored, trapped, different, and annoyed. This sounds horrible, but it's how I feel. I know they love me and I love them, but I feel like it's time for me to go and make my own life now, and they want to keep helping me. While I appreciate their concern and will listen to their input, they need to understand that I may choose another way. It may be harder, but at least it's what I want. If they want to make me happy it may take some sacrifices that hurt from their part. At the same time if I truly wanted my family to be happy then I feel like I would need to do exactly what they say, which takes away from MY experiences. It's frustrating for sure.
I also want to be in school. I like school. I would even go as a far as saying that I'm starting to enjoy Asbury a little more. I've made some really good friends and the small campus is nice ...at times. So school is becoming more important to me. I want to learn now. I want to be successful after college.
I don't really know where I was going with that ^ but the beauty is that it doesn't matter. These blogs don't have to make sense, it's just a place where you can get a glimpse of what kinds of things are going on in my head. I'll be back later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)