Navy Update

As I have talked about before, the Navy is in my sights. I am planning on retaking the test on January 17th in Nashville this time. Here's some interesting news that I learned from the recruiter yesterday. My 45 out of 80 was actually a fairly average score. The recruiter said that above average is 50. He told me that very few people are able to score above 55. He also convinced me to retake the aviation portion of the test even though I don't really know if I want to be a pilot. I thought that I didn't really want to at first, but when I realized that I have 20/20 vision, and really no other health problems, I have an advantage in that aspect. At this point, even with a good score, there are so many people rushing to get into the military or deciding to re-sign. Basically, I need all the help I can get.

Thinking about my reconsideration of being a pilot made me wonder what if someone actually possessed the talent to be the best at something but never became the best. I've had these thoughts before. Suppose that if I had gotten the fundamentals down for hockey and living up north where hockey ruled, I could be an awesome hockey player right now. However we will never know if that could have been because my childhood held zero exposure to hockey except for a few video games on the gamecube. The same could be true for someone else, what if talent never gets noticed or even given a chance to? There are so many opportunities for people to become, but what if they never do?

It's here.

In college was used to talk about going out into real life. Well [insert title]. I thought I would be better at it, but we all give ourselves more credit than we deserve. While I'm thankful that I have a job at Asuka, it seems so mundane and useless at times. Deep down I know that I can still learn from the 4:30-10 shifts, but I have to really open my mind and look for the opportunities. Like managing my money better. All through college life was so easy. Would I rather go see a movie or go out to eat? Now it's like I would rather pay my rent than eat out. Stop those thoughts because this is not about to turn into a pity party. I love my life and I love trying to figure out how to make wise choices instead of good choices.

When I was in high school my mom taught "Financial Peace University," by Dave Ramsey to college students or married couples. She also made each of us go through the seminar. Being in high school I felt like money management was a long way off and so I ignored most of it. Sorry Mom. Recently, I decided to read "The Total Money Makeover" also written by Ramsey. I expected it to be a quick budgeting review of FPU but instead that it is more like a lifestyle review. The most interesting chapter was the College Funding chapter. It contained an idea that I'm seeing in myself and in the vast majority of my peers.

"We have sold our young people so hard and so long on college that we have begun to accept the myths about college degrees. College degrees do not ensure jobs. College degrees certainly don't ensure success. College degrees do not ensure wealth. We all know college-educated people who are broke and unemployed. They are very disillusioned because they thought they had bought a ticket and yet were denied a seat on the train to success."

Success for most people takes time and lots of effort. For me it was selling books. I may not have made $30,000 in one summer, but I made enough to prove to myself that I could be successful by not giving up. It has also prepared me for right now. I am able to live within my means and be comfortable because selling books was so much more intense. I don't know how most of my blogs end up talking about selling books, but I just can't believe that I'm still cashing in on those experiences.

If only it were black and white.

Through the past few weeks I have a lot of time to myself. Especially when I'm here in McKenzie. My parents go to work, I wake up, eat lunch with my folks, then try to occupy myself by reading photography books or watching TV. All of the time has given me so much time to think, analyze, and self-evaluate my life and personality. Those of you who know me can back me up or disagree with these next few observations. I feel that I am an "easy sell." By that I mean I am easily influenced. My laid back personality allows me to give little thought and just go with whatever sounds best. I like making quick decisions and taking risks. All my life I have lived to please others. I am not trying to sound arrogant by that statement, but it feels like many of my decisions are based upon how others will react or think. Another part that affects my decision making is my tendency towards conflict avoidance.

This little introspection leads me to understand why choosing my next move is proving to be so difficult. I want the success I will have after 10 years right now and I want 1,300,450 different jobs and skills now. The problem, obviously, is that I cannot have either of those and it sure as heck won't happen overnight. Another problem goes back to being an "easy sell." Every time I have a conversation with someone I feel like my plans are slowly changing. Each time someone suggests a new job idea or new place to live, I want to try it. So then everything winds up being put into my brain as a busy picture with lots of colors and lots of patterns. So many different jobs and so many things to do in life but which one do I do NOW?

When it rains, it pours

Especially with me and car trouble. I realized yesterday what a terrible driver I am. Remember how in the last blog I talked about getting my car out of the shop and waiting. Well it would have been much safer if it had stayed there for another couple of days. I was headed up to Michigan for an awards banquet with Southwestern. About a quarter of a mile from getting on New Circle off of 68 I rear ended someone. Don't text and drive. So $6,200 and 2,400 miles in a rental later I made I finally got my car back...again. My car has practically had a 50% of it's exterior replaced in the last 4-5 weeks.

As I was talking with Bill on the way to dinner, I started thinking about my driving record. Let me retrace you through all my actual wrecks and actual tickets.

Age 16 [April/May ish] - I was in a hurry backing out of my driveway and bumped into a visitor's car. The bumper had to be replaced. (the funny part about this story was that it was an Asbury admissions car)
Age 16 [4 months after I had my license] - Totaled a 2005 Mazda B3000, it's like a ford ranger. My parents bought it for my sister and I to use in High School. Oops.
Age 16 [a week later] - Speeding ticket 65 in a 35 in my mom's minivan (this ticket was removed from my record as long as I went to driving school. In my town driving school includes watching a 30 minute video and the police officer telling you all sorts of tips like driving with your lights on makes you look slower, red cars always look faster, that sort of stuff)
- after those last two I couldn't drive for a while...
Age 17 - speeding ticket in NC, 75 in a 55. And it was a construction zone. (this one also got taken off my record because I hired a lawyer who told me that if I did not get another ticket in the state of North Carolina for 3 years it would be removed.)
Age 18 - hit my friends car as I was backing out, paid about $400 to get his front end replaced (didn't go on my record because I just wrote him a check and didn't go through insurance)
Age 19 - ran over a teammate's foot at our end of the year tennis party. (Claim still open.)
Age 20 - rear ended someone in Cleveland (never had to pay or keep record because no real damage happened. It was like a 5mph nudge)
Age 20 - Speeding ticket in New York. We were late and I think I was doing like 75 in a 65 or something. (went on my record)
Age 21 - Speeding ticket in North Dakota 85 in a 55 (this road was the flattest, straightest, most wide open road I had ever seen. I had just gotten to ND and was 5 minutes from meeting my host mom for the summer. Pretty sure this one is on my record)
Age 22 - No speeding tickets so far, but...
Age 22 - rear ended someone because I was a moron and tried to text and drive..

Wow. That was kind of depressing. I have never recalled every single account until just now. The funny thing is, almost all of those incidents happened when I was by myself in the car. I hope my insurance agents don't read my blog.

Convesations I love.

Yesterday, my dad had the day off and my mom had to teach during lunch. We decided to head to the local Mexican restaurant. After an awesome meal there dad had to get back home because he had to prepare to teach his class the following day. I started just bouncing ideas off of him about what I should do and all of my options. I told him that it would almost be easier if I didn't have any options or any money. The more we talked the more I got to really know my dad. I feel as if most parents are humble in the sense that they will always ask and be interested in what is going on in our lives, but there is so much wisdom we can learn by just asking them about themselves. My dad told me about about a six week trip he took to Europe when he was 16. He told me that he traveled those entire six weeks out of a backpack. They would camp out and cook their own meals and occasionally their chaperons would take them to a reserved dinner at a restaurant. We also talked about his stories in the E.R. and how he felt richest during his residency.

He told me that right after medical school he was making about $20,000, living in Savannah, Ga, and married to my mom. They had a small apartment and basically had about $1,000 to spend every month. There were very few expenses and it was just a time of happiness. A few years later they moved to Spartanburg, SC and began family practice. He told me he made more than double his money, but with a new house to pay for, kids, and just more living expenses he did not feel as "rich" as before. That whole story kind of put things into perspective for me. Each shift in wealth brings on more expenses or at least more lax spending habits. Which means that the ratios of wealth will remain the same. You may make $100,000 a year but if you spend 3/4 of that you are really in the same boat as someone who makes $50,000 and spends 3/4 of that.

Our parents can teach us so much about life if we are just willing to ask and listen. As for my mom, she always has these "suggestions" that I tend to run from because they come from her. Terrible I know, but it's a pride thing. I'm working on it. She was the one that suggested I go to college, I tried to run the other way and go to tech school. I am so glad she pushed me forward because without it I would not have come into so many great opportunities with friends, job opportunities and times of struggle and growth. She is still trying to get me married and having kids, by introducing me to EVERY single girl on Bethel's campus and following up with a simple comment like, "I think she is just gorgeous!" She has good intentions at least.

Life update: Still no job, but still not worried. My car will be fixed sometime next week (hopefully). My plans as of now are to go to Lexington next week, then Chicago to see a friend, then Lansing, MI for the Southwestern awards Banquet.

Teacher?

I've had some time on my hands and I've been thinking...

When you think about what you want to be like when you grow up it seems so distant. "One day" or "later" seemed to drive the thoughts right out of my head. Well that day is now and I've really tried to do a lot of brainstorming as to what I would like to do in like 5 years, or heck even 5 days. Over the summer I met a lot of cool families and most of them asked if I was going to school to be a teacher because I was selling educational books. Usually my reply involved some form of "no" and a quick explanation as to what exactly a communications major was.

I did meet this one mom however that keeps plaguing my mind. This is kind of sad so prepare yourself accordingly. Abby, if you're reading this, you might want to grab some tissues. It's terrible but I don't even remember her name or her two little girls' names. I can remember exactly what her house looked like and where it was, but for the life of me I can't remember her name. Anyway, I knocked on this door and an older woman came to the door. I went through my usual approach of figuring out if she was a grandmother or just baby-sitting. Turns out she was simply watching the kids, but she told me to come back after five to catch the mom. Now this happens quite frequently and it's a great thing because that means that the mom works. Working means she cares about herself and her children enough to make some money, which in then tells us that she would be a cool mom to talk to. So I go back later that evening and start talking with her.

I go through my whole demo of the books and she's smilling and laughing and her kids were a freaking blast to show the books to. They loved the books so much and were asking a million questions about the contents of the books. At the end the mom told me she just simply couldn't afford it because her husband had just passed away. Wow. Boom it hits you doesn't it? Normally in this situation if someone really likes the books you try to "re-close" them. I didn't. There are very few times when I stop being persistent as a salesperson but this type of situation calls for it. I expressed my sympathy and began to pack up my things but then the mom started asking me about what I was going to do. I told her probably sales or who knows, and she suggested that I become a teacher. I smiled and asked her why and she told me that I was really good with kids and all that stuff, but then she said something that was totally out of the ordinary response. She told me that I could really impact a lot of people and get through to some kids that might really need some help.

Her words stayed in my right ear for the rest of the summer and even to this day. Well some other things have happened pretty much all today where I've given education a second chance. At church tonight, one of the teachers told me to apply to substitute teach for the kindergarten or first graders. I laughed and immediately brushed it off, but she said the same similar thing about being good with kids because I used to watch the nursery instead of going to church (I know terrible right? It was my excuse when I was younger of how to get out of listening to the sermon).

Here's the last part that really makes me think. My last post mentioned working for the Navy. I took this Navy Ops test and it basically told me that I was in the persuader category. (Totally not me right? haha) Under this several different positions, but Religion and Education came up as the top two. I have this underlying fear that I will some day be called into the ministry so that kind of freaked me out. When I saw education I immediately started scrolling down to see what else it recommended for me. So at this point, who knows? Everyone has an idea of what I should do or what I would be good at, and maybe they're right. Maybe I should be a teacher? All of this to say I had teaching ruled out, but it's creeping back into my options. Pray for me. I'm gonna need it.

Feel like you accidentally went to Twitter?

Haha, so yes, the colors are the same, but you are not, in fact, on Twitter. Man it's been a while. After the summer my life has felt like a slow motion Whoosh.
A few updates:
- My car is getting fixed and will be done in about two weeks. (Then I'll go see my LEX friends.)
- I have to take the ASTB (Aviation Selection Test Battery) to start the process of entering the Navy.
- I have not committed to joining the Navy, Air Force, or anything I'm just keeping my options open.
- I am not at all worried about what the next few months look like. I'm excited actually.

That's all I can think to put on that list for now. Being at home is not so bad this time because I know that I'm free to go where ever I want whenever I want. I do not anticipate staying here that much longer. Hopefully, I'll be working the World Equestrian games with Tyler as an intern, but we'll see. If not, Paul Niswander said he could get me some other job. Depending on if I get the job with Alltech, I would like to go to Europe. Germany, Italy and possibly Spain are on my list so far. I am also waiting on a friend to pull through getting me a buddy pass ticket so I don't have to pay as much. All of these plans are up in the air and I would not be upset if all of them fell through because I know that these next few months are all about exploring and I have enough money to last me through them so...who cares? :).

I just realized that every time I write a blog I try to have some form of pattern or organization, but it always just ends up in short paragraphs of random information. To go with that, Read, A Long Way Gone it's really good, but also graphic (very,vivid violence) so beware.

Oh one more thing. I found a new dream destination. Maldives. It's sooo sick. Check out these pictures of it.

Who's Next?

Well here I am in Nashville, TN. This is an incredible feeling. I arrived here and got all my paperwork done the weekend before I came. Checkout (a process that normally takes about 2 full days) took me about 2 hours and I had my check before 12:00. Now I am just free to hang out with whoever I want and just talk about what I plan on doing next.

To be honest it's the point in my life where I need to start creating long term goals. The problem is that I still have no clue which direction I want to be in. I was talking with a career counselor here at Southwestern and he asked me what type of goals I did have. The first one was that I want to make six figures. He immediately why I chose six figures. I told him I didn't really have a reason other than the fact that I did not want to ever allow finances to hold me back. We talked about more job opportunities and where I should put in my resumé, but after I left he really sparked my thinking. Why do I only want six figures? Why not more? Then I realized that the real reason I wanted that money was not for the actual dollars but more for the idea of security. Which leads me to another rabbit trail of thinking.

When you are in the middle of something be it school, a job, relationship, whatever it is, your mind can play so many tricks on you. Your perspective can get lost and you can twist the reality of your circumstances to allow yourself to be smothered in self-pity or just plain selfishness. Obviously what I'm talking about is the blogging that has occurred over the past three months. If someone read this blog I would be ashamed of myself because of all the difficulties I brought up. The truth is the job is hard, but not to the extent that I made it out to be. There are so many words I would like to say about Southwestern and it's a very tough decision of leaving or trying to corporate recruit full time. There are ups and downs to any decision that I will make. I know that whatever I choose I can be successful and enjoy it, the problem is committing to one of those paths. I wouldn't trade anything for the experience, knowledge, and friends I have gained over the last three summers. It feels like I get 5 years of hardships slammed into 12 weeks so I get to grow faster. It's an awesome experience and I will be sad to leave the bookfield.

There are more ideas I would like to convey but at the moment I think it is all still processing. I'll get back to this later.

Adventures

Well this week was like a sandwich. I had a good Monday and a good Saturday, but the middle was slow. I also got into a hit and run accident. I was cruising a bout 45 mph along the main road in Portsmouth. A guy was in the left turn lane on the opposite side of the street. He made his turn right as I went across the intersection and bumped me. I swerved out of the way kind of, but he still tagged my rear door and tire. I pulled over to the side of the road and he turned down the road to the left and then took off! I jumped out of my car to try to track him down to get his plates, but he was already long gone. Luckily I have collision insurance and they will fix it after the summer. The car is still driveable and the door closes fairly well, but it just looks really crappy.

Besides that everything is good. I can't wait to finish strong, do my deliveries and get on with the next phase of life. So many options have opened up and I am ready to pursue some of them.

Well I was going to keep talking, but then Huey came in and I didn't want to continue talking. I am cutting my hair. It kind of looks like I'm trying to be like Justin Bieber, but I'm not. The week was a tough one, but I am looking forward to finishing strong. I have each summer and plan on just really jamming out this summer. I have 1943 units so far this summer and need about 3100 to go on Sizzler in Puerta Vallarta, Mexico in November. It's totally within my reach IF I just choose to have a good attitude and work super hard. I can't wait to see all of you hopefully late August/early September. Later!

Sick Day

Another Day, Another Dollar

Well here we are at the mid-point of our summer. I took a stat call (accountability to see if you worked. It is where we tell people how many people we saw and how much we sold so) from one of the other managers and each night he would simply say, "Another day, another dollar." It got me to thinking about how much he simply just "clocks in" and "clocks out." He is a very consistent salesman and always works hard. I want to be more like him in the sense of consistency.

This week was tough for me, but I feel so much stronger now having gone through that. It sounds cheesy, I know, but it really does help so much just to take all the things that stopped me last week and change my thinking. "If you think what you've always thought, you'll do what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always gotten."

So here I am, ready for change. I want to be better and I want to have an impact on the first years that I work with. Over the pat few weeks I've been really trying to be a good example for them everywhere except in the selling books department. Here's my week to shine and show them how to sell a lot of books. That's exactely what I plan to do. I will have great news for you next week!

Also I switched HQ's again. If you want to mail me a care package with some food or vitamin waters then send it to: 4015 Greenway Ct, Portsmouth, VA 23707 :)

Thanks for reading!

I didn't forget

For those of you reading this blog, sorry to keep you all in such suspense. I'm sure you were are checking your computer frantically waiting to see how my week went. Just kidding.

Well it was very similar to being on a roller coaster. Monday was another burger day (100 units) then Tuesday was nothing, then Wednesday was 8, Thursday was 116, Friday was 0 and Saturday was 17. Crazy week but I feel like each week uncovers a new part of me to work on. For example last week taught me about consistency. Even though it was my best week ever, my days were still very up and down. This week consistency was amplified through my ups and downs of the days. I'm really looking forward to this week to prove to myself that I can be consistent if I control my thoughts. You see each time I have a zero day or one with low sales, it generally reflects my attitude towards the job. So this week I would really like to just have fun and work hard enough to make the money I need.

On another note, we got to go to the beach today. It was glorious! I tried to even out my book tan, (which is still pretty bad). I also moved HQ's this week and am now staying with an alum that does not charge rent. It's pretty sweet. We also get 50% off at Domino's because he works there part time. He is really quite an impressive guy. He works as an architect by day and then pizza guy at night. He is doing it to put his wife through grad school without paying any loans. Awesome huh? He's on Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University program. Anyway, I'm going to the mall now and I shall talk to you all soon. Peace

BDE which makes my BWE

So yeah, this week was absolutely crazy. My days went like this for sales:
Monday - 120
Tuesday - 52
Wednesday - 7
Thursday - 0
Friday - 103
Saturday - 157

BDE means best day ever and BWE means best week ever in case you didn't figure that out. This week was a big belief barrier week. Up to this point I've never sold more than like 300 or so units in a week. I think my best is like 357. Breaking through to 440 with three days over 100 units was almost mind blowing. I really felt good about doing the job and letting people buy as opposed to selling. To keep my mind occupied from thinking about how many units I sell during the day I think about my family. On Friday I just told myself that I wanted to work hard enough to be able to pay for my dad and I to play golf and to be able to take my mom out to eat. I focused on working hard enough to do that and did not care about how much I made. I knew that if I just did the work in the right way the units would take care of themselves and they did! It feels good, but it also makes me wonder what I am really capable of if I decide to fully immerse myself with this job.

I met some really awesome people this week and one mom actually Facebooked about me coming to her door. She was a sales trainer and coach. She wanted me to come back when her husband could look at the books. When I went back tonight they opened the door and let me right in and then bought books from me. It felt good to think I actually impacted someone enough to be remembered and news spread about me. haha. That sounds really like self-absorbed, sorry.

A few other side notes, B.o.B's new CD rules, Ben Rector is still awesome, the new iPhone...silly, and sleep: necessary right now.

The end of the Summer!

Ok so I don't know if I've talked about crystallizing my goals or not but basically it's breaking our big achievements into small mini goals. For example, I want to work hard from 8:09 to 9:31 every single day. So, working for almost 13.5 hours in a day seems daunting. So what we do is we break it down into two hour "goal periods." All throughout the day I just tell myself phrases like these to trick my mind into thinking that I only work two hours:
"I have the easiest job in the world because I just talk to moms and get drinks from 9-11."
"I have the easiest shift ever. I only work from 9-11, the 11-1 shift is way worse and I'm so glad that I only have to work from 9-11."
"It's super easy to work for two hours."
"I never work more than two hours at my job."

So all that to say, I've done the same thing with my summer. Instead of working 12 weeks I am working 4 small three week summers. Tomorrow is a brand new summer and I don't have much time so I have to really go work hard to earn the money I need for the fall. I will be switching from Chesapeake to Suffolk tomorrow. I finished this week with about 230 units which is not a very good week for me. I hope to work a lot harder this week and just put my head down and work. They compare it to the analogy of swimming. When you swim it takes forever if you pull your head up and look at how much further you have before you hit the wall. If you just stay underwater and swim hard you will reach the end much faster. Well that is what I plan on doing this week. I want to be totally submerged into my job this summer and Oswald Chambers has been helping so much throughout my weeks here. If you have nothing positive to read in the mornings when you start your day I would highly recommend it. If any of you have any prayer requests you can send them to me and I'll pray for you during the week because I have a lot of time to myself. haha. Enjoy where you are!

Week 2 down

Well I tripled my profit from last week. Good news right? Not so much. We measure our book sales in units. Each unit is about $5 in profit. Last week I sucked and only sold about 100 units which is like $500. This week on Wednesday I had 84 units so I almost beat my week in a day. I feel like I have a lot of potential to live up to. I know I can do this job better because my best week last week was like 342. This week I finished with 308 units. My best day ever is 139 and I am going to crush that next week. This summer has so much to offer me not only in financial gains but also in growth. I am really focusing on doing things because I said I would. Over the past few years I feel like my integrity has slipped and some bad habits have formed. In high school I was such a straight edge student, but in college I let myself become complacent and stretch the boundaries. I want to use this summer as way to recalibrate the direction of my life.

I know all these blogs begin to sound cliché, but it really is true. There is no better feeling than finished a day of working hard all day even when you reallllly didn't want to. Each day is crazy but I am so glad I'm here.

Funny stories for the week: today I pulled up to a house and there was a German Shepard outside. I always jump out of my car and open the back door to get my bag out. Well the German Shepard came running at my car, but the owner said he was friendly. I let him smell me then went to open my back door to get my bag. The dog was friendly alright. He jumped right into my car and just sat there until the owner had to come over and drag him out of the car. His response was, "He has a thing for cars." Interesting day.

I also may or may not have stolen a "No Soliciting" sign. (Some bad habits from college are carrying over).

Girl Story

Alright, to relieve Kate's desire to hear the story I will explain.

I was sitting in a house and it was awesome. The dad, Bill let me in and we sat at his kitchen table. I usually build rapport with kids by getting them to come sit down and then tell them I'm with the military. It goes something like this,
"Hi, did your parents tell you what this is about?"
"Nope."
"Ok well I'm actually with the military and due to the events from the past few weeks your parents have enrolled you in a two week military program. You need to pack light for two weeks and then we'll do some push ups and head out."

Then the kids usually freak out or their parents bust out laughing. After that they are pretty relieved and cool. So then I started explaining what I am really doing and show him the books. His older college sister was in the kitchen with her friend while we were doing the military prank. They busted out laughing as well and asked where we were from. Then they went to the other room. So while showing the books we hear the mom yell from the other room, "Bill she wants to use your number."
Bill says, "What? She wants to use my number???"
"No, she wants you to get his number."

At this point I didn't know what his reaction was going to be so I just froze. There was a bit of awkward time until he finally cracked a smile and laughed. So I then proceeded to let out a nervous laugh and continue on with the demo. Well it ended up that they had already ordered the books in the past but he didn't know it. The mom bought them a few years back. So he said he was sorry but wasn't sure if they knew where it was. He said he wanted to call me in case he couldn't find the books. So I gave it to him. Well we usually have our phones off during the day so I cut it on at about 9:40. I had two texts. One said, "Hey cutie ;)." The other said, "Remember me from the kitchen?"

So that was kind of funny. I did respond to her texts for a minute but then decided it probably wasn't a good idea. So that's my story. I hope it was entertaining.

Summer is here

Well my summer has begun and Southwestern is kicking my butt. It's a good thing though. I feel as if I am going through this really tough week to have an awesome week next week. I have met some awesome people and the first years out here are doing great. My farmer's tan is showing quite nicely and there is kid here from Michigan that plays on the Ultimate club team at U of M. Obviously this is great news for me and his throw is soooo smooth.

I have a funny story about a girl getting my number while I was showing books to her dad. kind of awkward. I might have to tell it tomorrow though because i'm exhausted right now.

A watch.

So I needed a watch for the summer. Luckily mom has has a ridiculous collection of Swatch watches and gave me one for Christmas a few years ago. It was actually about a decade ago because when found it in the bottom of my cabinet I read the outer face. It reads, "Sydney 2000: Olympic Games." It's a cool watch though. At least I think so. The real purpose of this blog was to talk about the ticking. It is so strange to hear it at random times. I'll be resting my head on my hand and think to myself, "What the heck is that noise?" I like it though. It reminds me that my time matters and it is going to move no matter what I decide to do. So here I go off to another summer of door-to-door sales. As strange as it seems, I plan on learning a lot this summer. Videos will follow as well as some regularity to my blog.

After the summer I am free. I literally have nothing to do. That rules.

It's Here!

Wow, the last official day of college. It's mind-blowing. Actually, as I was talking to David Brenneman we realized that it really didn't feel like the end yet. It's so crazy just to take a minute and think back at EVERYTHING that has happened. So much! Here's the good news. Do I remember how much money I spent? The naps I took? The grades I made freshman year in English? No way! I don't remember any of that, all I know is that I have awesome friends and awesome relationships. I feel ready for the world. I'm honestly trying to embrace this change as much as possible. It does me no good to sit around and wish I could stay here longer.

Am I nervous? Heck yea! Do I care? Heck no! I'm just trying to imagine what life will be like after this summer. Where will I be? What do I want to do? Who will I meet? There are so many questions just waiting to get answered and I can't wait. Thank you Asbury for all that you have given me, but now it's time for me to peace out.

Sem Título

Ok so I don't know why but for some reason I really wanted to go on a run tonight. I had just struggled to finish a two page Spanish paper (sad I know). So little of my life involves physical challenges besides the occasional frisbee, floor hockey, or softball game. After sending off my paper, I put on some shorts and took off. I was actually quite impressed with myself. I ran for 3.75 miles at a 7.29 pace. It was the perfect temperature outside and a great way to just release some freaking endorphins.

The past few days have brought upon a lot of thinking as far as life after college goes. Just imagine this for a minute; two weeks from now my life will be totally different. I'll still be the same Holland Hames, but the environment and activities will not be. As I talked with my roommates this afternoon about leaving on the same Saturday that I graduate really sent me into disbelief. It's hard to imagine not signing up for classes or checking CPO. I am excited at the same time. In Senior Seminar we read a book called, Hit the Ground Running. The book is about all sorts of different companies and their leadership or management styles. It has everything from Smuckers to Mohawk Industries (for all of my GA friends it's that carpet manufacturing place with the little Indian in Dalton,GA. I'm pretty sure you pass by it.) He talks about embracing the change. I've been trying desperately to change the way I think. All my life it's like I'm moving backwards.

When I went to Michigan a few weeks ago we uncovered what had been holding me back from really succeeding during the summer. I told him that I was so worried about repeating my same results from the previous summer. Boom: there was the problem. My life and my decisions in life have all been made based on previous results. It's time for my mind to be thinking about the future and about what I want out of life. Travis described it as me walking backwards and continually running into problems because I'm so caught up in what is behind me. I never forgive myself for making mistakes. I just let them follow me around and keep tripping over them. I know that is the reason why I hold myself back from getting good grades, working hard during the summer, maintaining relationships, or whatever it is. Something inside my brain tells me that I don't deserve to forget what I've done. It limits me to repeating the same mistakes because I've given myself permission to do so in the past. So what have I been working on? Forgetting things that happened or mistakes I've made. It's probably the most difficult thing I've ever done, but it's so important because all of the mistakes flood into all areas of my life. Anyway this was a revelation to me and I feel like typing it all out helps solidify my findings.

whew, it feels good to talk that out. I feel like I could go into more detail, but I'm tired and want to go to sleep. Also, check out this blog because it has some amazing pictures.
http://blog.fotoalternativa.net/

I did it on purpose

Yeah that's right! Nearly two months without blogging. Actually, I didn't do it on purpose I just didn't have much to share. Now that I have a smart phone and have been using Twitter, it sort of pacifies my need to write blogs. It's like chewing nicotine gum instead of smoking a real cigarette. Ok, not really, but anyway.

I'm back for now. I wanted to write about the frustration of the unknown. I know that God is in control and that everything will work out, but when you honest to goodness have no freaking clue what you will be doing at the end of the summer, it's kind of scary. I know I will be able to do pretty much anything I want as long as I have the money. That shouldn't be a problem provided I work hard all summer. Also, there are some choices that need to be made now that I just don't what in the world to do with. There are things I want to do, even though I know it probably isn't a good idea. They could wait, but what if I wait too long? Did I miss my chance? Will it ever come by again? I'm sure it will in some form or fashion, but what kind of fun could I have had if I had done it. Anyway, six weeks is all I have left at my Asbury career. It's a bit sad, but refreshing at the same time.

I thought I would have more to say, but for now there is nothing. I am just sitting in Fisher F trying to start on homework, but obviously I didn't make it. Going on spring break also made me realize what cool friends I had. I met a few new people over the course of the week and I'm really satisfied with the people in my group. We all seem to really care about each other and honestly want our relationships to stay healthy. It's really cool. Weak blog, but IDC.

A New Way to Win

The other day I began thinking about why I wanted to buy new things all the freaking time. Most of you who know me, which is everyone who read this blog probably, know that I have things that are top of the line. It's kind of an expensive habit. So why?

When it comes to sports, I can play them but I'm not really great at them. The same is true in almost every other aspect of my life. I feel like I have talent with the areas like music, sports, running and things like that but again I cannot really be the best at any of these. This is mainly because I'm not willing to commit to the amount of work it takes to really become the BEST. So how I use buying brand new things as a way to be the best at something. I can have the newest iPod or newest Mac or newest SLR, for a little while, but as soon as a newer one comes out I lose again. Hence the reason why I want to constantly buy things. This could be totally untrue, but it seems to make sense to me right now.

Also, let's talk about what I'm doing right now. I'm sitting at Don Jacobs, a Honda dealership getting my brakes replaced.

"It will take about three hours. Do you want to wait?"
"Sure."

So here I am. I woke up at 8...maybe 8:15...maybe 8:20 and am now waiting for three hours. Ok time to go. Peace

Photography Comments

Now maybe it's genuine when people say that your picture, "really has some great colors" or is a, "great composition," but seriously I think I would rather have people tell me what they don't like specifically than to give me some generic thing like that. Ok so maybe I'm just being stupid and over reacting a wee little bit. Honestly though I like taking pictures and I like feedback, but when people try to act smug and intelligent by telling me that my picture is a great composition it makes me want to throw up. Anyway, my bed is calling and soon I'll be back to Asbury. I can't wait.

It snowed today, barely. And it was 15 degrees tonight. When I pulled out of my driveway it seriously sounded like my windshield was going to crack and shatter right before my eyes. It didn't luckily.

The Droid rules even though they are about to come out with a Google phone called the Nexus One.

That is all.