Grandparents

Christmas/House Plans

Ahhh mere minutes before Christmas. It sprang upon me this year. There was no build up, no looking at lights, just school, intramurals, finals then BAM it's Christmas. I mean there were subtle hints and everything, but this Christmas season was so different for me. And let me just be honest for a minute.

For all the people out there who are saying, "Don't forget what Christmas is really about" and "We should go to more services because it is Christmas." Well i do understand that and I feel bad because usually, I'm the person those statements are directed towards. I'm the guy who loves the giving and receiving of earthly gifts, but not so much about the Christian meaning of

Christmas.

I'll admit that I do feel disgusted with myself at times for having everything I do. I am soooo blessed with family, friends, wealth, happiness, and what do I give back. Hardly a thing. It's pathetic. My spiritual life is definitely lacking and getting it where it has the potential to be has bothered me for years.

Wow I really went off on that, sorry. -Well on another note, this whole semester I've been picking up ideas of a house. I absolutely cannot wait until I own my own house and have money to fix it up. Well, today I started a blueprint. haha. yeah i know...interesting. It seems to be going well, I started out with an eeeenormous casa but have downsized to, well not a mansion anymore. haha. It's really a lot of fun, especially when you're bored. I might post some pics later if I do a blog just on my house once I finish my blueprint.






This should probably be all for now. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a great rest of the Holiday season.

The Boundary Between Alone Time and Togetherness

So the other day I had to go to the mall to get my parents some Christmas presents. I asked a couple of people if they wanted to go with me because I felt like someone should go with me or I was lame. Then I was thinking about it...I honestly think I like shopping by myself because then I can take my time. I can look at what I want to look at. The only part that sucks is when you need another opinion or just someone to talk to. But if you know how I shop then you know that I like to window shop. I love just going in stores and looking at things.

It's funny because one of my friends in McKenzie today was like, "hey do you want to go to jackson (where the mall is) with me so I don't feel stupid going by myself?" It made me think of the other day when I went shopping.

Oh an important side note, if you want a cheap pair of khaki pants or black pants, or any pants for that matter, DO NOT go to Men's Warehouse. They have great clothing at high prices. The guy that worked there was really nice though, he came and acted like a butler to me or something it was kind of cool. I think he could definitely tell that I had never shopped for that nice of clothes before. haha. But I ended up buying a pair of black pants, and when I got home I went suit shopping so now i'm gonna go return those 50$ black pants haha. I hope whoever reads this has a great Christmas.

American Idol or Vocal Cords that suck

Alright So I was wondering if I really had a decent voice or if it was just in my head. I resent the people that always sing loud and honestly do not know they are bad. It's one thing if you're bad and don't care, to me that's a great thing. If you sing and you don't know your bad well now i'm just pissed off. Just kidding :).

Anyway I just decided to record myself and listen to my actual voice. To be honest I'm kind of pissed off at myself. Haha that's right I fell into the "loud singer who sucks" category. I was surprised to hear how struggle mcstruggleson it sounded. Anway I hope you enjoy this. Make sure you listen to it all the way or else you will miss the end mini speech.

Another note, the video part of this, was just so you weren't just bored out of you're mind while covering your ears. it's really stupid, but hey it's better than nothing.

Want a mac mini?

http://www.macminis4free.com/default.aspx?r=996562

This one's easy, only one offer and 13 referrals. HELP me OUT.

Alright i believe all you have to do is complete one offer. the fastweb is the easiest i believe. all you do is give some background info and then you're done. No credit cards, nothing, maybe a little spam mail, but thats it. The stamps one is quite easy too. just sign up, then send it back before the trial date. it's that easy.

Sorry

Wow it's been a while, I apologize. The laziness is carrying over from my schoolwork to my blogs.

Today, as sad as it is, I quit my job. Actually it's not sad for me at all. In fact I'm quite relieved. I didn't even have to put in a two weeks notice. My boss didn't seem too upset either which I was happy for.

Alright so that's a short update. Here's what I really wanted to write about. Just think if you had stages in your life that you could stop everything else and just focus on one thing. You might think this is stupid, but I sometimes wish life could be like this. For example, say you wanted to get good at something: a sport, working out, read a good book, learn a new language, whatever it might be. You just stop everything else and get good at it. You would not have to worry about anything else, you could just play basketball non-stop...After writing that and reading it, I've changed my mind. I would get really bored really quickly. Oh well, basically what i'm trying to say is that I wish I could've known as a young child skills or lifestyles that I wanted in the future. Like soccer skills, basketball skills and to be in good physical condition.

Another thing that just came to my mind was a topic I was going to write about a few days ago but didn't remember it when it came time to write.

I am so thankful that I do not have real problems with my physical body.

There is a guy on my hall who dreamed of becoming a great basketball player, but he learned when he was 6 he had heart problems and all of his dreams went out the door. He cannot do any hard physical activity for extended periods of time. Also for the people that are less fortunate with their mental ability. I just have so much to be happy about, instead I complain about the people that are better than me.

Pretty stupid and selfish. Almost as stupid as this sign.

The Long Anticipated Work Video

Best Thursday Ever!

So you ask yourself, why is thursday so awesome?? It's the day before friday of course!!!

Well yesterday I was not excited about thursday and going to classes. After lunch, things turned around. I check my college postal box, CPO for short, and found a letter. The letter was from my Marine buddy Wiley Adams. I was so excited to hear from him. He's going through basic now and appears to be enjoying himself. I immediately wrote him back and that helped my day out some.

The other great thing that happened was a sweet concert I went to. Kellie Pickler (just hot that's about it), Rodney Atkins (great artist), and Brad Freakin Paisley. Ohhh man it was awesome. He has so many good songs that it made the night awesome. The only part that sucked about the concert was that my 8 friends bought their tickets together and i was not going to pay for someone else's ticket to go with me because they were $60. So I was sitting by myself. I eventually wandered down to talk with another girl. Things started out ok, and eventually i got the hint that she didn't really want to talk anymore. That's all for now.

Georgia (and other things) on my mind

So I watched Ray over Thanksgiving break and loved it. The music was great ,Jamie Fox was amazing and it was an overall good movie.

I had a great break and wish that it was not going to be over in mere few hours. I really did enjoy this break and can't believe that there are only 3 weeks left in this semester for me. Wow...unbelievable. I was supposed to practice piano all this time and catch up some low weeks that I had previously...interesting I didn't practice even the normal 6 I was supposed to for the week.

I have so many things that I want and even feel that I need to get done, but just waste my time on the internet or sitting. I usually get the social human to human contact events taken care of but as far as reading a book, working out, practicing piano or other self things, I just do not have the motivation to do. This is strange because these are all things that I did enjoy about a month ago. I need to rekindle the fire, to my motivation. Sorry I haven't written in a while, but this is all I have for now. The motivation to write even here is fading.

New Friends

So this weekend I thought things were going to be dull as usual, but instead I talked with a friend, David Michaud and told him I wanted to make things happen this weekend. Wow, things happened. I attended a jazz concert, Kresge cafe, hung out with people playing capture the flag, then finally went to Taco Bell and an old bridge. Along the way I talked with soooo many people. I loved it. I got to interact with people that I knew of, but didn't really know. I also want to start hanging out with a guy named Abraham Parker. He is amazing at music. Seriously all kinds of music. Today we mixed a beat and it is sooooo fresh. I just want to say how much it propelled my motivation to keep music prevalent in my life. That's all.

New Job

Alright so I saw an ad from an email from the Career counseling center. Whenever new jobs around pop up, they send out emails with info on the jobs. Well I saw one that did not have much information except for $8 an hour and light assembly required. The company was called Brass Reminders. Not knowing what to expect, I showed up to this place.
Sketchy, that pretty much sums it up. It is basically side by side apartments that have been turned into a makeshift business. Here are some pics of the inside. It's interesting.
< This one says "Cheryl's Mailbox..."

This is just a random shot of what I saw when I first walked in. >
Brent Durham showed me around and basically showed me what I would be doing. My job is to extract the decals from the sheets. There are cut out on each sheet and I take the excess outline from the sticker. It's tedious, but pays well. I think then I have to cut them into squares and package them up. It's funny they mainly produce Christian Decals and South Carolina decals. lol. They run a lot of the Palmetto Tree and Moon decals. There were a few Clemson stickers, and just random ones. Anyway I start Monday. I work from 5-11. He said I could work like 10 or more hours a week. So we'll see how long this lasts. I have a feeling it's going to get boring really fast.

Bye for now.

Letting People Find Their Own

I've discovered that many of my blogs are thoughts that run through my mind. Thoughts that are insightful and things that I have learned and want to put down on digital paper to remember.

There is a mega church here called Southland. I attended there one sunday and felt like I was at a concert. The main preacher, Jon Weece, I think that's how you spell his name, was excellent and was really easy to understand. I did not go back to this church because I was so skeptical of whether it was legitimate. Well I went to the night service, 608 that starts at 6:08 and is directed towards college students. Tonight was different, I did still feel like I was at a concert for times, but less so this time. At the end of the service, he offered the invitation to become baptized. There were sooooo many people that went down.

This is the point when I questioned myself.
I asked, do these people really understand or do they just want an easy way out that is going to feel good? Will they continue their old ways or will they sincerely begin to change? Then another thought popped in my head. Who was I to judge or worry about their lives. Am I doing things that God approves of or was I one of the closet Christians, only coming out when it was convenient. It just really hit me that even if they are doing it because it feels right for the moment so what? Even if they didn't change and really try to do better, then when times got tough down the road, at least they would have this memory to look back upon and remember how good it felt to be loved by God. I guess that's pretty much all I wanted to say, I wanted to challenge people (or the person haha) that reads this to try not to judge whether people are doing right in their lives. Who cares, God is going to work in all different ways and it's not our place to come out and tell them when they are and aren't doing God's will. Only they know that and we should just let it be.

Learnin

enjoy. IT was kind of like our fall talent show.

Just another day at Asbury

Typically on Friday afternoons, college students are unwinding and getting ready for weekend football. In Wilmore, people are puffing up their foam swords and preparing for all out warfare. This is the Unofficial Asbury Extreme Sword Fighting Group. I just saw these guys and girls out there and decided to share the experience.

Old Friend

First, last night I said I was going to write another blog right after, but I luckily got to talk to a friend that I haven't talked to in a long time. His story is interesting. He started out as a troubled guy, rough home life, and then he was married and had one little girl with his wife. After a while they began to come to our church. Well as it turned out, Brian, my friend decided that he was going to go back to college. He started back at school and also discovered that he was called to the ministry.
After a while, school got tough and a lot of things started sparking up in his home. His wife left him, I'm really not sure what all happened but things got bad. Then later probably a year or two ago, I found out that they had gotten a divorce and she remarried. He ran from God and he tried to commit suicide. The police came and he wound up in an insane asylum. He wasn't truly crazy or anything, but he was definitely unstable.
Anyway, I was talking to him last night, he randomly logged onto msn messenger. We began talking about his life things in my life also. We each talked about our relationships with God and how they were lacking right now for sure. He also expressed a lot of embarrassment from his previous experiences with suicide and being locked up. I tried to help him out and tell him that people still cared about him and that he should just start interacting with people again. Any advice you think I should give him???

The Motivation to Be Motivated

It is strange to me how strong my feelings can be at times. Some days I want to do nothing but achieve the goals in my life. Then others I only want to do absolutely nothing. I understand that we as humans need rest, but I just wish there was a way for it to not feel so useless.

When I take these "days off" from my goals, all other things just sort of lose their value that they once had. I want to always be on the HIGH and never on the LOW does that make sense? If not then I'm sorry. The great thing is that every time I get into one of these, do nothing moods, I always bounce back from them. I go back to doing the things I know I have to do in order to keep my life going in the right direction. That's all I have for now, I may right another blog after this one just because I feel like writing tonight. peace.

Blog video numero dos!

Let me start off this blog by combining another story i wanted to share. I have been looking at getting another car for a while now. Well thanks to the great Facebook Marketplace, I have a local place to look while I'm sitting in Old Testament. I found a yellow ford ranger the other day and in the listed, the seller noted he wanted to trade. I messaged him and he responded back. We talked a little about what each of us wanted and what do you know, tomorrow we are switching trucks to test them out. Both vehicles are from the great year of 1995, but his has 175,000 miles and mine only has 100,100. So we'll see how this works out. Mine is also valued at a higher price, but i'm pretty sure his is in better condition. Anyway enjoy the rain blog.

Joey suggested that with my new web cam that I start doing some video blogs. This is my first. Pretty much i just wanted to do a video blog so I apologize if it's not interesting or stupid. Enjoy.

Money and Tennis

I was thinking today that I need to make some money. My spending lifestyle is definitely out weighing my working lifestyle. Next semester I would like to work somewhere just to get some extra money. That way I won't feel so bad about spending money.

...by the way i'm in Old Testament writing this and someone was reading and I was typing really loud....Awkward...


Anyway, I also am taking 16 hours next semester. I'm in class on mwf just in chapel (10-11), SPN 102 (12-1), and Philosophy from 1-2. TR (that means TUESDAY and Thursday haha), I have Persuasion from 9:25 -10:40, Western Classics from 12:45-2:00 and Intro to Leadership from 2:00-3:25. Then I will also have piano lessons sometime in there too.

The Here and Now

So this week I have 4 tests. The two following weeks I have two more tests. Today I realized, man things are not going to slow down or wait for me to catch up. I better get on the bus and get going with my schoolwork.

So here I am studying about themes, irony, point of view, and drama and realizing that I should be thankful for the hard work that I am given. Even though it's tough, it's a good kind of tough. Something I should look back on and be proud of. So, this is kind of like an inspiration for me to
DO WORK!

Asbury Peace

I really got a sense of peace this weekend.

For my fall break this weekend, I went to the University of Tennessee at Knoxville. As you may have read in past blogs, that is where I longed to go. I wanted to get the freedom of the real world, without real consequences. I wanted to have the typical get drinking and partying experiences that so many other people have.
Well this weekend, all that changed. I visited some friends that were having those exact experiences. The more I hung out with them the more I realized that what they were doing was definitely not my scene. I just felt so out of place. While all of them are extremely kind and cool, I just did not want to be a part of their drinking and really their lifestyle.
So, as hard as it may be to say this, I'm glad that God led me to Asbury. He knew that if I did experience those things, then after it was all said and done, I would have realized that I just wasted four years of my life. Through this simple weekend, he gave me a glimpse of what i'm "missing".

NOTHING.

Everything I need is right here. God has finally let me accept that, and it is truly a great feeling. Also I think it needs to be clear that i'm not saying what they do is wrong, because I do plenty of things that are considered wrong also. I just feel that their lifestyles are not what God has in store for me. I hold no grudges against UT or any of the people there, I just know now that God wants me at Asbury.

P.S. I almost died trying to take these pictures so enjoy them...:)

The Asbury Cycle

Well it's that time again. The down time at Asbury. One of my professors was talking today about how people just get on their blogs and whine about life. So if you don't want to hear that don't read my blog. I feel like this is the one place i can truly express how i'm feeling, whether it be confusion, happiness, anger, frustration, or anything.

Tonight is a night where i really feel out of it. I feel like Asbury is not the place for me. Perhaps it is because I am not trying hard to fit in, but it's hard to reform yourself to try to be interested in things that others like. I mean maybe it's not necessarily the activities, but even just the way the people here are. Like I wanted to ask someone to go see Across the Universe with me, but there was no one that I could think of that would want to go and enjoy the movie. So I went by myself, which here i'm not looking for sympathy, but it just goes to show that I feel out of place here. Another feeling is tonight at Wiley's bonfire. There were groups of people that knew each other and hung out all the time. I knew a few people in each group, but don't really know any of them. THey do'nt try to include me and I don't try to fit in with them just because i'm not interested in the same things they are interested in. So many times I would try to be a part of their groups, but why should i be changing to fit their molds, why can't i just find people that think and act and do the same things that I do. That is what I don't like about this small strang school. The education is suberb here i have no doubt about that. But as far as preparing me for how the real world is going to treat me, I feel so robbed of those lessons.

Even my dad said it. At this time it would be better for me to get into trouble here under these conditions rather than in the real world. Now is the time to make mistakes and learn from them. Now is the time to learn how you function on 3 hours of sleep. Now is the time to work on your decision making skills. Not the time for a curfew and student activities that shove praise services down your throat. While it is good that Asbury offers these praise services, I just feel like they never offer anything else. Honestly i'm not ready for that. I want to have fun right now. Maybe if I truly dedicated my life to God then I would not care about the events I was partaking in, but the fact of the matter is that I am not totally committed to God, and I'm not ready to be. Why try to be something that i'm just not either mature enough, or simply want to do.

So through all this it's just basically frustration of not being able to make my own decisions and the limited amount of freedom I have at Asbury. I know that it is important for me to have this education, and for that reason, i'm here.

Advice

I always feel that I love to help people with their problems. I can usually come up with something insightful or helpful, but the worst feeling for me is when I can think of nothing. Nothing or giving advice that sounds like a Hallmark card just gets me so mad at myself. I want to always help people and when they go through something that I feel like I can't help them with I feel like I'm not helping them in the way that they need me.

Done.

Just when I thought the major was decided.

So I've gone through my career counseling for probably 5-6, maybe more, weeks now. It has been really great. I have taken tests that help me find my interests, strengths, and skills.

I've got the idea that I would like to be involved in some type of sales. It just makes sense. I love new things and learning about them, talking to people, and money. I guess it still sounds like a vague plan and that's because it is. I also like the idea of being bilingual. The problem now is picking one of the three majors. I have to choose between Spanish, Business, or Communication. I would like to hook two together but I just have to survey all my options.

Wish me guidance from God that helps me in my decision.

Hard Times...Not the book by Dickens

Alright well here is something that I need help understanding. I'm not trying to boast, I'm simply trying to understand what some people think. For me if things get tough, I do talk to other people about them and sometimes want to quit, but it takes a lot to make me actually quit. Take for example school work. In the past three weeks I've had 2 papers due, and 4 tests. It gets pretty tough, but I always know that finishing those assignments are just something that has to get done. I put it in my mind that there is no choice. That's just how I operate.

and all of a sudden i wanted to change my font a little.

What I don't understand are the people that bring it upon themselves to tell others how horrible their life is. When I hear things that some people complain about like having a lot of work due and feeling like they can't do it just baffles me. I don't understand how they feel that way. Sometimes you might feel overwhelmed but always just keep your mental motivation up and I think you'll be fine. That is all.

P.S.

I'M GOING TO SEE kANYE wEST TOMORROW IN nASHVILLE!!! I get to see Brannon and folks. It's gonna be HoT!!

Awkward People Meets

Alright so I was thinking today about how many people that I know of on campus, but don't really know. It is also awkward when you know a person through someone else, for example your best friend hangs out with someone so you know their name and hear stories about them but have never actually introduced yourself. It's kinda awkward I'm not gonna lie. What is even worse is after you talk to them about something you have in common. Here's my real life example.

There is a girl on the tennis team that I know who she is, but have never been really introduced to her. She knows of me I'm sure also. Anyway I was talking to her tonight about the new tennis coach and she was talking to me as well. After I left I realized that now it would be quite strange if I was like, "oh yeah and my name is Holland. I'm not sure if we've ever actually been introduced."

Does that make sense?

It just seems strange to me the round about way I meet people. I wish that everyone one would introduce themselves to me and I would introduce myself to them the first day. At least from then on I could say, oh yeah you don't remember me but we did meet I promise. Lol. That's kinda funny. Any way I have another thing I want to write about immediately after this. So, by the time you read this one, you'll have to scroll back up and read the other one. Sweet huh? OH yeah....

The Importance of Letters

So today, I was thinking about how we communicate with our friends. There are

phone calls, email, and so many other communication mediums.

One that is not as popular to use, but really awesome when you receive is good old fashioned snail mail. Think about how much more meaningful a real paper letter is compared to an image on a computer screen. While the content can be the same, the effort to sit down are write the letter can mean so much more.
While this is indeed a very random thought, it has inspired me to want to write more letters. I want people to know that I'm taking time to think about them enough that I would take more time and effort into keeping in touch with them. Please don't see this as a way for me to boost myself up and claim to be a better friend or something like that. I only want to be real. I want to truly show that they have certain place in my life and that I want them to feel cared about.

Porque hoy que nececitamos. Haha, that was supposed to say, Because that is what we need.

Everyone wants to feel loved and to love other people. We want to konw that people care about us and are actually wondering how others are doing. I hope this has inspired you to write more letters, or at least to stay in better touch with your friends, if not then that's fine too, maybe you didn't need inspiration. For me it was like a revelation.

Apathy

So I'm back in that mood. It's that mood where I feel lazy and tired, and just out of it. I feel like I just don't get as close to people as I would like to be. People I hang out with are just that, people that go to the same events as me. Sometimes I will talk to them and they won't even acknowledge that I'm speaking to them. It can be frustrating. I know people do like me, but it's just hard to go from close awesome friendships at camp to the lonely feeling I have at Asbury. I'm not trying to say that I don't like anyone here, or that I don't like Asbury. I do. I like the people and the things I have experienced so far. I just want them to get better. I want friendships to develop and mainly just to enjoy my time here. Maybe it seems like I'm whining and I apologize if this is so, but this is the only place I can be completely honest and open about how I feel.

Big Girls Don't Cry

Haha. Funny title I know, and maybe not funny as in haha, but maybe as in wierd.

I woke up this morning with so much peace and serenity (hence the title, that's what it made me think of). I just felt like I'm where I'm supposed to be with the people I should be with. That doesn't mean I can't have friends in other places, just that for now, these are the ones that should be in my life a lot. I do miss my friends Joey and Macie, but I feel like this weekend made us even closer, if that's possible.

I talked with my RD last night just about some things going on with school and how my relationships with my parents were. For me it always helps to talk to someone who doesn't really know you, but knows exactly what you are going through. He or she can present a side of the story that you may not see and give you great advice as to what you should do. It's also just nice to be able to say what you want to say and tell someone all the crap that you feel is pushing you down. In the end, most of that "crap" is stuff that isn't that big of a deal, but still it's nice to be able to tell someone about it and have them truly listen and understand what you are saying.
The End.

Piano

I want to be able to play piano like a professional. Ok so I don't want to be that good because then my life would slowly disappear into the piano keys, but after going to Regina Spektor and hearing her music, I became inspired. I practices playing smooth and nice today.
It was fun. I want to be able to go into a practice room and play what I feel, not Casey Jones. But it's baby steps first, then the big leaps. If you want to get an idea of how good I want to be then search for David Sides on youtube. He's amazing. That's all I got for now. peace

Mixed Feelings

So Joey and Macie left about an hour ago now. It made me very sad to see them go, but all good things must come to an end right? Well maybe not, but this one did. It sucks. I'll be honest, there are a ton of things running through my mind. Some things are goals, life questions, life directions, how to deal with my parents, my true feelings, friends, and some other stuff.
The main thing is trying to deal with how I feel about my family. My interactions with my family have done nothing but push me away from them in this past year. I want to enjoy spending time with them, but every time I'm around them I feel bored, trapped, different, and annoyed. This sounds horrible, but it's how I feel. I know they love me and I love them, but I feel like it's time for me to go and make my own life now, and they want to keep helping me. While I appreciate their concern and will listen to their input, they need to understand that I may choose another way. It may be harder, but at least it's what I want. If they want to make me happy it may take some sacrifices that hurt from their part. At the same time if I truly wanted my family to be happy then I feel like I would need to do exactly what they say, which takes away from MY experiences. It's frustrating for sure.

I also want to be in school. I like school. I would even go as a far as saying that I'm starting to enjoy Asbury a little more. I've made some really good friends and the small campus is nice ...at times. So school is becoming more important to me. I want to learn now. I want to be successful after college.

I don't really know where I was going with that ^ but the beauty is that it doesn't matter. These blogs don't have to make sense, it's just a place where you can get a glimpse of what kinds of things are going on in my head. I'll be back later.

Life now

So let me just take this first blog to explain some stuff about myself right now. I am attending Asbury College with an undecided major. I'm taking a lot of different classes to try to narrow my selection to a single field. I'm also in what's called "career counseling." It's nice really. It sounds silly, but my counselor, Melanie Noble, is so easy to talk to and she seems to really want to help me as quickly as possible.
I'm taking 19 hours this semester so that next semester will be a light load and hopefully I can get ahead in my total hours. 19 hours is tough I won't lie, but honestly I think it will be worth it. I don't really know what else I wanted to say here, but maybe i'll come and write more later.