What's that you say?

You like my title and new set up don't you? Haha that's because one of the greatest designers in the world did it. Yep Kate Brannen! Thanks for the facelift Kate.

What to say at a time like this? School is winding down, but my want to stay is winding up. The fun I've had in college is so amazing. Even though I have one whole year to go, it still seems like not enough time. It's soooo short. Sooo fast. Ridiculous. Also, I should have you know that I have 7 questions and a journal entry due for my 9 o'clock but for my fans who read this page, I have an entry for you. I don't really know what to say, I keep saying that, but it's the truth. So much is inside of me but I do not have any idea who to talk about it with. Sure there's my parents, but they have biased views of me and know what type of choice I would normally make. That probably means they will predict based on previous instances. Not what I want. Next there are tons of friends here, but I'm going to be around and with them for the next year. Can I tell them? I'm not sure. All I know is I need to find someone soon or else I'm going to runaway.

I realized that I have a tendency to run. If things get tough I ignore them or run away. When relationships get hard or difficult it is so much easier to forget about them and make new ones. How do we balance being selfish and finding our own needs? Why can't someone just tell me what to do right now. That was pointless, but it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling. Happy, but confused. Yearning but struggling. Time to do school work...I'll be back

Mixed Feelings

So Joey and Macie left about an hour ago now. It made me very sad to see them go, but all good things must come to an end right? Well maybe not, but this one did. It sucks. I'll be honest, there are a ton of things running through my mind. Some things are goals, life questions, life directions, how to deal with my parents, my true feelings, friends, and some other stuff.
The main thing is trying to deal with how I feel about my family. My interactions with my family have done nothing but push me away from them in this past year. I want to enjoy spending time with them, but every time I'm around them I feel bored, trapped, different, and annoyed. This sounds horrible, but it's how I feel. I know they love me and I love them, but I feel like it's time for me to go and make my own life now, and they want to keep helping me. While I appreciate their concern and will listen to their input, they need to understand that I may choose another way. It may be harder, but at least it's what I want. If they want to make me happy it may take some sacrifices that hurt from their part. At the same time if I truly wanted my family to be happy then I feel like I would need to do exactly what they say, which takes away from MY experiences. It's frustrating for sure.

I also want to be in school. I like school. I would even go as a far as saying that I'm starting to enjoy Asbury a little more. I've made some really good friends and the small campus is nice ...at times. So school is becoming more important to me. I want to learn now. I want to be successful after college.

I don't really know where I was going with that ^ but the beauty is that it doesn't matter. These blogs don't have to make sense, it's just a place where you can get a glimpse of what kinds of things are going on in my head. I'll be back later.

Life now

So let me just take this first blog to explain some stuff about myself right now. I am attending Asbury College with an undecided major. I'm taking a lot of different classes to try to narrow my selection to a single field. I'm also in what's called "career counseling." It's nice really. It sounds silly, but my counselor, Melanie Noble, is so easy to talk to and she seems to really want to help me as quickly as possible.
I'm taking 19 hours this semester so that next semester will be a light load and hopefully I can get ahead in my total hours. 19 hours is tough I won't lie, but honestly I think it will be worth it. I don't really know what else I wanted to say here, but maybe i'll come and write more later.