The Asbury Cycle

Well it's that time again. The down time at Asbury. One of my professors was talking today about how people just get on their blogs and whine about life. So if you don't want to hear that don't read my blog. I feel like this is the one place i can truly express how i'm feeling, whether it be confusion, happiness, anger, frustration, or anything.

Tonight is a night where i really feel out of it. I feel like Asbury is not the place for me. Perhaps it is because I am not trying hard to fit in, but it's hard to reform yourself to try to be interested in things that others like. I mean maybe it's not necessarily the activities, but even just the way the people here are. Like I wanted to ask someone to go see Across the Universe with me, but there was no one that I could think of that would want to go and enjoy the movie. So I went by myself, which here i'm not looking for sympathy, but it just goes to show that I feel out of place here. Another feeling is tonight at Wiley's bonfire. There were groups of people that knew each other and hung out all the time. I knew a few people in each group, but don't really know any of them. THey do'nt try to include me and I don't try to fit in with them just because i'm not interested in the same things they are interested in. So many times I would try to be a part of their groups, but why should i be changing to fit their molds, why can't i just find people that think and act and do the same things that I do. That is what I don't like about this small strang school. The education is suberb here i have no doubt about that. But as far as preparing me for how the real world is going to treat me, I feel so robbed of those lessons.

Even my dad said it. At this time it would be better for me to get into trouble here under these conditions rather than in the real world. Now is the time to make mistakes and learn from them. Now is the time to learn how you function on 3 hours of sleep. Now is the time to work on your decision making skills. Not the time for a curfew and student activities that shove praise services down your throat. While it is good that Asbury offers these praise services, I just feel like they never offer anything else. Honestly i'm not ready for that. I want to have fun right now. Maybe if I truly dedicated my life to God then I would not care about the events I was partaking in, but the fact of the matter is that I am not totally committed to God, and I'm not ready to be. Why try to be something that i'm just not either mature enough, or simply want to do.

So through all this it's just basically frustration of not being able to make my own decisions and the limited amount of freedom I have at Asbury. I know that it is important for me to have this education, and for that reason, i'm here.