photography

is my anti-drug. haha just kidding.

I really feel as if I can use photography as a get away though. Everything that is stressful or troublesome is suddenly washed away when I just drive somewhere and start taking pictures. All that matters is that my mind goes into creative mode and i just start to soak in my immediate surroundings. That's the great part about it. No one really sees what I see until that little button gets pushed. I wish I could just be invisible and take pictures of anything and everything. Don't let your mind get crazy, you know what I mean. I just want people to be normal and for it never to seem awkward to take a picture. I have discovered that most people enjoy their picture being taken because they know it is part a memory collection that they do not have to work on. I'll just upload it to Facebook and it's line an online scrapbook for them.

I really don't mind doing it, but sometimes you only want to show people the good pictures. If it so happens that you don't get any then you have in a sense failed for that shoot. That's the frustrating part and that is also what keeps me from taking pictures all the time. Here's a connection I just made. I am known for throwing frisbee and for playing music anywhere and everywhere. I love those things. I know that I have the equipment to play the music and the skill to not make myself look like a fool throwing the frisebee. Therefore, I feel confident to do them in front of anyone and to share my music with everyone. I would love it if my photography skills could reach that level of security. I want to know that when I press the button, the outcome will be great or at least acceptable. I want it to stand out and to say something about who I am and what I see. Actually that last sentence was getting too deep but I don't want to delete it.

Anyway, life is good if we want it to be. Some days it doesn't make sense why people choose not to enjoy their day. Our circumstances will happen no matter what, but how we react to those makes the wheels in our life turn.

My addiction

Yes I have one now. I'm sure I had plenty but this one has become very obvious over the summer. It's clear to me now that I am totally addicted to Owl City. I love them (or him I guess). I want to be best friends with him and have him make me a new song everday. How sweet would that be? I love music. Adam Young is my major man crush right now haha.

Seriously WTF.

Sometimes God really pisses me off. Today we learned about how music affects us in my narratives class. We listen to angry music when we're upset, music that pumps us up before a game and i'm sure a lot of other examples.
-side note: i hate it when people give fifty million examples to explain their point. we get it. move on.
Anyway, at my meeting with Nate tonight, he talked about how during the summer he would listen to praise music because it was so hard to be upset or angry or distressed while listening to praise music. Well I tested that theory tonight and the way things worked out just are beyond my comprehension. How is it that I can turn on a song after being stressed and wanting to just be pissed off and then the song talks about exactly what I'm going through. It talks about controlling our environment and wanting to understand everything. The singer says that his answers are going to be good for me. We crave instant answers and all-knowing information, but we can't do that until we build our relationship with him. I can tell others how much God is doing in my life but do I believe it? Do I want it? No not really. Why does he have to do that? Why can I just not be pissed for a while. Let me be angry or upset, don't guilt trip me to feel like you are always looking out for me. I don't want to accept that yet. I don't want you to care right now. The confusion and stress going into this summer is unlike any I have ever had. I want to be ready for the summer, but this summer is going to be hard in many ways.

Crazy blog i know. it'll change tomorrow.

Owl city

So my friend Jack showed me this band called Owl City. They are so awesome! They're laid back electronic style just goes well with whatever you are doing at the time. For example, after work tonight at about 11:45 I went on a run. Yep it was so nice outside and I just needed to get away for a while. Kind of like relieving pressure and stress by doing something that literally created tired feelings which lead to relaxation. It was so peaceful and perfect running in the dark. I felt alone but it was a good kind of alone. I think I've been craving that time all week and I finally gave it to myself. I also went to the tennis courts and just sat. I wanted to listen and hear enlghtening words that would confirm my actions I life. No obvious messages came but I understand and accept some things better now. I'm ready for a new chapter I suppose.