Here's your learning day!

Well today is exactly what the title says. It's like God looked down and thought that I needed some tough love. I did! Today I really broke down at about 5 o'clock. Let me define breakdown.

My day started out with a sale which was way positive! Then I went through a huge dry spell and didn't really see anyone. I had to set up my bank account which took about 2 hours and then was so tired i was driving off the road. So I took like a 30 minute nap. You're not supposed to, but hey it's my summer right? I'd much rather be not tired and driving off the road than make like 30 bucks. Well then at about 5 I had only talked to 11 out of my goal of 30 people I was trying to see. Usually we have 30 contacts (people that we talk to that have kids aka prospects) and 15 presentations (people with kids who actually see the books). So a senior citizen we talk to wouldn't count as anything. We also break our day into what we call goal periods. These are two hour blocks that we use to keep our sanity. We view our job as like 9-11 getting 6 contacts, 4 presentations, and 2 customers each goal period. Those are our goals, but as soon as the goal period is over we start all over.Does that make sense? It helps us keep our accountability so that we can track how hard we are working to see people each day.

Anyway, I had 11 out of 30 at 5 o'clock which meant that I would need 19 in the next 4 hours. I was stressed out and had no motivation to continue. I started thinking about calling Nate and telling him that I was going home, but then I thought about all the people I would have to face when they heard that I was quitting. It was overwhelming and I just broke down and started crying. (Weird I know. Things get very emotional on the bookfield.) So I just prayed to God that I knew he wanted me to rely on him to be my happiness and joy, but I didn't know how. I needed him to show me how to continually talk to him and see things through his eyes in order to continue working. well like 5 minutes later I snapped out of it and just started thinking about selling books again. Turns out I got 31 contacts on the day and had 2 more customers tonight. The customers were big customers that I needed because I was running out of cash. Here's a funny thing. If the customers pay with a credit card I never see the money, but if they use cash or a check, then I get to use to deposit to live off of. Well I was getting a little worried about it last night and today, but God came through once again and I collected 522 dollars today. That should last me for a while. Haha. Anyway I have to go to bed now. I am going to be wiped if I don't. I hope you enjoyed this blog. It was written frantically and probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I can try to explain more later. peace.

Seriously WTF.

Sometimes God really pisses me off. Today we learned about how music affects us in my narratives class. We listen to angry music when we're upset, music that pumps us up before a game and i'm sure a lot of other examples.
-side note: i hate it when people give fifty million examples to explain their point. we get it. move on.
Anyway, at my meeting with Nate tonight, he talked about how during the summer he would listen to praise music because it was so hard to be upset or angry or distressed while listening to praise music. Well I tested that theory tonight and the way things worked out just are beyond my comprehension. How is it that I can turn on a song after being stressed and wanting to just be pissed off and then the song talks about exactly what I'm going through. It talks about controlling our environment and wanting to understand everything. The singer says that his answers are going to be good for me. We crave instant answers and all-knowing information, but we can't do that until we build our relationship with him. I can tell others how much God is doing in my life but do I believe it? Do I want it? No not really. Why does he have to do that? Why can I just not be pissed for a while. Let me be angry or upset, don't guilt trip me to feel like you are always looking out for me. I don't want to accept that yet. I don't want you to care right now. The confusion and stress going into this summer is unlike any I have ever had. I want to be ready for the summer, but this summer is going to be hard in many ways.

Crazy blog i know. it'll change tomorrow.

Letting People Find Their Own

I've discovered that many of my blogs are thoughts that run through my mind. Thoughts that are insightful and things that I have learned and want to put down on digital paper to remember.

There is a mega church here called Southland. I attended there one sunday and felt like I was at a concert. The main preacher, Jon Weece, I think that's how you spell his name, was excellent and was really easy to understand. I did not go back to this church because I was so skeptical of whether it was legitimate. Well I went to the night service, 608 that starts at 6:08 and is directed towards college students. Tonight was different, I did still feel like I was at a concert for times, but less so this time. At the end of the service, he offered the invitation to become baptized. There were sooooo many people that went down.

This is the point when I questioned myself.
I asked, do these people really understand or do they just want an easy way out that is going to feel good? Will they continue their old ways or will they sincerely begin to change? Then another thought popped in my head. Who was I to judge or worry about their lives. Am I doing things that God approves of or was I one of the closet Christians, only coming out when it was convenient. It just really hit me that even if they are doing it because it feels right for the moment so what? Even if they didn't change and really try to do better, then when times got tough down the road, at least they would have this memory to look back upon and remember how good it felt to be loved by God. I guess that's pretty much all I wanted to say, I wanted to challenge people (or the person haha) that reads this to try not to judge whether people are doing right in their lives. Who cares, God is going to work in all different ways and it's not our place to come out and tell them when they are and aren't doing God's will. Only they know that and we should just let it be.