Ok so I don't know why but for some reason I really wanted to go on a run tonight. I had just struggled to finish a two page Spanish paper (sad I know). So little of my life involves physical challenges besides the occasional frisbee, floor hockey, or softball game. After sending off my paper, I put on some shorts and took off. I was actually quite impressed with myself. I ran for 3.75 miles at a 7.29 pace. It was the perfect temperature outside and a great way to just release some freaking endorphins.
The past few days have brought upon a lot of thinking as far as life after college goes. Just imagine this for a minute; two weeks from now my life will be totally different. I'll still be the same Holland Hames, but the environment and activities will not be. As I talked with my roommates this afternoon about leaving on the same Saturday that I graduate really sent me into disbelief. It's hard to imagine not signing up for classes or checking CPO. I am excited at the same time. In Senior Seminar we read a book called, Hit the Ground Running. The book is about all sorts of different companies and their leadership or management styles. It has everything from Smuckers to Mohawk Industries (for all of my GA friends it's that carpet manufacturing place with the little Indian in Dalton,GA. I'm pretty sure you pass by it.) He talks about embracing the change. I've been trying desperately to change the way I think. All my life it's like I'm moving backwards.
When I went to Michigan a few weeks ago we uncovered what had been holding me back from really succeeding during the summer. I told him that I was so worried about repeating my same results from the previous summer. Boom: there was the problem. My life and my decisions in life have all been made based on previous results. It's time for my mind to be thinking about the future and about what I want out of life. Travis described it as me walking backwards and continually running into problems because I'm so caught up in what is behind me. I never forgive myself for making mistakes. I just let them follow me around and keep tripping over them. I know that is the reason why I hold myself back from getting good grades, working hard during the summer, maintaining relationships, or whatever it is. Something inside my brain tells me that I don't deserve to forget what I've done. It limits me to repeating the same mistakes because I've given myself permission to do so in the past. So what have I been working on? Forgetting things that happened or mistakes I've made. It's probably the most difficult thing I've ever done, but it's so important because all of the mistakes flood into all areas of my life. Anyway this was a revelation to me and I feel like typing it all out helps solidify my findings.
whew, it feels good to talk that out. I feel like I could go into more detail, but I'm tired and want to go to sleep. Also, check out this blog because it has some amazing pictures.
http://blog.fotoalternativa.net/
1 comment:
When I refuse to let myself forget mistakes it always has to do with trying to earn my salvation. But in Jesus, my life is free of mistakes! He put my mistakes to death on the cross.
Glad you're moving forward.
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