All things on my mind.

I feel like I'm graduating again. Not in the sense that I am super stressed trying to finish up finals. It's different this time. Almost like I have those nervous feelings all over again. So many questions.

"What will I do in 6 months?"
"Where will I live?"
"Who will I meet?"
"How the heck am I going to make money?"

There are more, but why bore you with those. All this to say I'm wondering about the timing of my life. Sometimes I just want to fast forward and be past all of this indecision and freedom. Can I go to Florida tomorrow and chill out for the next two week? Sure I can, but should I? Should I waste my money on relaxing at this age? I told my boss I wanted less hours thinking I could find sooo many other things to do.

Here's what I've discovered about free time. It's only good if other people have it too. (Side note: this is coming from an extreme extrovert). For example, I could have had lunch with people today, watched movies, read a book, played games, or just drove around. Instead I spent much of the day to myself. I enjoyed it as I think everyone needs time alone, but after about 2 hours of it, I was sick of it. Why do our wants and desires have to be what we always don't have. Why can't I just be satisfied with what I have and what I'm doing? Perhaps it's because I am really not doing anything. I want so much to do nothing, but whenever I have the freedom to do nothing I crave excitement and something new.

It's so easy for most people to just tell me that I have time or that God will have a great plan. I am not doubting God, merely trying to speed up his plan. Yes I know that it won't work and that his time is the best time, but right now it kinda sucks. Just writing how I feel.