Don't know why

Why is it that I never focus on endings. I know that this semester will end in about a week but I haven't really accepted it yet. I postpone my thoughts and continue through life as if nothing will change. While this is fun for the moment, when it does end it's going to be quite abrupt. Why do I do this? Why don't I prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the endings that are coming. It would make things easier for sure. Marketing sucks.

I told you so.

So the last line of my blog was that today would be different. Honestly the day as a whole was not different, my attitude still wanted to be pissed. Well luckily, I proved that I learned something from last summer. I am in control of my emotions. In life we have to control the controllables and let everything else go. It is so not worth it to worry about things that are out of our hands. We cannot control other people's attitudes, the weather, or the fact that bad things will happen to us. As humans we are capable of creating a great attitude or outlook regardless of all those things previously mentioned. So I did. I wanted to stop being thick headed and just enjoy these last couple of weeks. Why? because that way I can have an enjoyable summer and an enjoyable next semester.

Another thing, is the wonderful world of communication. I am so thankful that I am a communication major and that I am able to learn things in class that are applicable to my life right after class. Granted sometimes it takes me a while to really learn them, but it pays off. When you realize that talking things out really does help, then you realize how dumb you have been for not expressing yourself. It's not enough just to write about it on this blog, or in your head or to other people. You have to go straight to the source. If you have a conflict with someone tell them, not their friends, go directly to them and straighten it out. It simplifies life and reduces the drama. That's all, time to go read, go to bed, and possibly post tomorrow!

Seriously WTF.

Sometimes God really pisses me off. Today we learned about how music affects us in my narratives class. We listen to angry music when we're upset, music that pumps us up before a game and i'm sure a lot of other examples.
-side note: i hate it when people give fifty million examples to explain their point. we get it. move on.
Anyway, at my meeting with Nate tonight, he talked about how during the summer he would listen to praise music because it was so hard to be upset or angry or distressed while listening to praise music. Well I tested that theory tonight and the way things worked out just are beyond my comprehension. How is it that I can turn on a song after being stressed and wanting to just be pissed off and then the song talks about exactly what I'm going through. It talks about controlling our environment and wanting to understand everything. The singer says that his answers are going to be good for me. We crave instant answers and all-knowing information, but we can't do that until we build our relationship with him. I can tell others how much God is doing in my life but do I believe it? Do I want it? No not really. Why does he have to do that? Why can I just not be pissed for a while. Let me be angry or upset, don't guilt trip me to feel like you are always looking out for me. I don't want to accept that yet. I don't want you to care right now. The confusion and stress going into this summer is unlike any I have ever had. I want to be ready for the summer, but this summer is going to be hard in many ways.

Crazy blog i know. it'll change tomorrow.

Memory

So I just had one of best conversations of my college career, but there were so many topics there is no way that I could regenerate it. In fact, I don't know that I'm supposed to be able to. Maybe it was just one of those conversations that you figure things out and then they become part of you so much so that you don't even realize it did. Got it? That was a little confusing.

I know that I should be doing case study number 13 for my HR class, but instead I'm learning about relationships,society, stress,the past, God, and what is really important in life. I highly doubt that I will learn and retain as much as I just did in the past hour and a half. There's so much going through my head that I want to translate here, but I wouldn't even know where to begin. Also there are parts that simply cannot be displayed due to the nature of my viewers. The most important thing I learned is that when you know you're accepted by God and you really feel it, you won't worry or care about what other people think. All of the feelings of comparison to others or living up to the standards of our society vanish. Once you find that little sliver of security, it blasts into every area of your life. Find a way to reveal that you are loved and believe it. Once you do, life becomes more fun.

Thanks to my friends who help me find the type of love God shows each one of us. I know each of us hears this over and over, but only once you experience it will you understand why so many people are talking about it. The feeling of acceptance and self-worth is an awesome thing.

Owl city

So my friend Jack showed me this band called Owl City. They are so awesome! They're laid back electronic style just goes well with whatever you are doing at the time. For example, after work tonight at about 11:45 I went on a run. Yep it was so nice outside and I just needed to get away for a while. Kind of like relieving pressure and stress by doing something that literally created tired feelings which lead to relaxation. It was so peaceful and perfect running in the dark. I felt alone but it was a good kind of alone. I think I've been craving that time all week and I finally gave it to myself. I also went to the tennis courts and just sat. I wanted to listen and hear enlghtening words that would confirm my actions I life. No obvious messages came but I understand and accept some things better now. I'm ready for a new chapter I suppose.

What's that you say?

You like my title and new set up don't you? Haha that's because one of the greatest designers in the world did it. Yep Kate Brannen! Thanks for the facelift Kate.

What to say at a time like this? School is winding down, but my want to stay is winding up. The fun I've had in college is so amazing. Even though I have one whole year to go, it still seems like not enough time. It's soooo short. Sooo fast. Ridiculous. Also, I should have you know that I have 7 questions and a journal entry due for my 9 o'clock but for my fans who read this page, I have an entry for you. I don't really know what to say, I keep saying that, but it's the truth. So much is inside of me but I do not have any idea who to talk about it with. Sure there's my parents, but they have biased views of me and know what type of choice I would normally make. That probably means they will predict based on previous instances. Not what I want. Next there are tons of friends here, but I'm going to be around and with them for the next year. Can I tell them? I'm not sure. All I know is I need to find someone soon or else I'm going to runaway.

I realized that I have a tendency to run. If things get tough I ignore them or run away. When relationships get hard or difficult it is so much easier to forget about them and make new ones. How do we balance being selfish and finding our own needs? Why can't someone just tell me what to do right now. That was pointless, but it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling. Happy, but confused. Yearning but struggling. Time to do school work...I'll be back

I can't stay away!

Here I am in bed again. I find that blogging at the end of my day helps me to see what I have accomplished or thought about during my day. Today I had thoughts but I also spent nine hours of my day with my friends. How awesome and ridiculous is that? The funny thing is that we didn't do anything spectacular or what most would qualify as fun. We just spent quality time together and talked. I wish all of my relationships could involve going somewhere and just talking. Anyway I'm just so thankful that I have such enjoyable friends. The only thing I have to worry about now is my last few weeks of schoolwork...to orrow is hump day woohoo!