Taylor Swift

This happens with every new album. I start to listen a a few songs and don't really like the rest. The next thing I know the whole CD plays through and I catch myself wanting to listen to another song, then another, then another, and I end up liking every song.

On another note, Grant, my old roommate got me started playing guitar. It's hard. Very hard. I sound terrible right now, but thanks to Ms. Swift I can almost play through an entire song, "Speak Now," is actually pretty easy.

Switching gears again, I took the Navy test for a second time and did much better. I scored 9 points higher giving me a 54 out of 80 instead of a 45. They told me it's actually quite difficult to score about a 55 so I feel decent about my score. A few more options opened up, and I'm still trying to figure out which one would be best for me. The strange thing is that the earliest I can leave is August or October. It will be so strange having a summer that is actually normal. I am usually working a job that occupies every minute of everyday with not much free time haha. Every since I was 13 I've worked away from home. It started with Camp Greystone and evolved into selling books. I have to be honest, as crazy as it sounds, I'm going to miss selling books. There's something so rewarding about always thinking positive and really getting on a tight schedule of reading and work.

Off to bed for me.

We know what we want to know.

I don't know if this happens to you all much but it seems to me that recently I have been asking questions I already know the answer to. It's like when you ask yourself what you should do and then don't like the answer you come up with so you ask someone else in hopes to get a different one. Basically it's a way that I procrastinate doing what I know is right. Even if someone did give me different advice, I would still feel guilty following their advice because deep down I knew the right answer all along. And that is where I am with this current decision. It cannot be.

Navy Update

As I have talked about before, the Navy is in my sights. I am planning on retaking the test on January 17th in Nashville this time. Here's some interesting news that I learned from the recruiter yesterday. My 45 out of 80 was actually a fairly average score. The recruiter said that above average is 50. He told me that very few people are able to score above 55. He also convinced me to retake the aviation portion of the test even though I don't really know if I want to be a pilot. I thought that I didn't really want to at first, but when I realized that I have 20/20 vision, and really no other health problems, I have an advantage in that aspect. At this point, even with a good score, there are so many people rushing to get into the military or deciding to re-sign. Basically, I need all the help I can get.

Thinking about my reconsideration of being a pilot made me wonder what if someone actually possessed the talent to be the best at something but never became the best. I've had these thoughts before. Suppose that if I had gotten the fundamentals down for hockey and living up north where hockey ruled, I could be an awesome hockey player right now. However we will never know if that could have been because my childhood held zero exposure to hockey except for a few video games on the gamecube. The same could be true for someone else, what if talent never gets noticed or even given a chance to? There are so many opportunities for people to become, but what if they never do?

It's here.

In college was used to talk about going out into real life. Well [insert title]. I thought I would be better at it, but we all give ourselves more credit than we deserve. While I'm thankful that I have a job at Asuka, it seems so mundane and useless at times. Deep down I know that I can still learn from the 4:30-10 shifts, but I have to really open my mind and look for the opportunities. Like managing my money better. All through college life was so easy. Would I rather go see a movie or go out to eat? Now it's like I would rather pay my rent than eat out. Stop those thoughts because this is not about to turn into a pity party. I love my life and I love trying to figure out how to make wise choices instead of good choices.

When I was in high school my mom taught "Financial Peace University," by Dave Ramsey to college students or married couples. She also made each of us go through the seminar. Being in high school I felt like money management was a long way off and so I ignored most of it. Sorry Mom. Recently, I decided to read "The Total Money Makeover" also written by Ramsey. I expected it to be a quick budgeting review of FPU but instead that it is more like a lifestyle review. The most interesting chapter was the College Funding chapter. It contained an idea that I'm seeing in myself and in the vast majority of my peers.

"We have sold our young people so hard and so long on college that we have begun to accept the myths about college degrees. College degrees do not ensure jobs. College degrees certainly don't ensure success. College degrees do not ensure wealth. We all know college-educated people who are broke and unemployed. They are very disillusioned because they thought they had bought a ticket and yet were denied a seat on the train to success."

Success for most people takes time and lots of effort. For me it was selling books. I may not have made $30,000 in one summer, but I made enough to prove to myself that I could be successful by not giving up. It has also prepared me for right now. I am able to live within my means and be comfortable because selling books was so much more intense. I don't know how most of my blogs end up talking about selling books, but I just can't believe that I'm still cashing in on those experiences.

If only it were black and white.

Through the past few weeks I have a lot of time to myself. Especially when I'm here in McKenzie. My parents go to work, I wake up, eat lunch with my folks, then try to occupy myself by reading photography books or watching TV. All of the time has given me so much time to think, analyze, and self-evaluate my life and personality. Those of you who know me can back me up or disagree with these next few observations. I feel that I am an "easy sell." By that I mean I am easily influenced. My laid back personality allows me to give little thought and just go with whatever sounds best. I like making quick decisions and taking risks. All my life I have lived to please others. I am not trying to sound arrogant by that statement, but it feels like many of my decisions are based upon how others will react or think. Another part that affects my decision making is my tendency towards conflict avoidance.

This little introspection leads me to understand why choosing my next move is proving to be so difficult. I want the success I will have after 10 years right now and I want 1,300,450 different jobs and skills now. The problem, obviously, is that I cannot have either of those and it sure as heck won't happen overnight. Another problem goes back to being an "easy sell." Every time I have a conversation with someone I feel like my plans are slowly changing. Each time someone suggests a new job idea or new place to live, I want to try it. So then everything winds up being put into my brain as a busy picture with lots of colors and lots of patterns. So many different jobs and so many things to do in life but which one do I do NOW?

When it rains, it pours

Especially with me and car trouble. I realized yesterday what a terrible driver I am. Remember how in the last blog I talked about getting my car out of the shop and waiting. Well it would have been much safer if it had stayed there for another couple of days. I was headed up to Michigan for an awards banquet with Southwestern. About a quarter of a mile from getting on New Circle off of 68 I rear ended someone. Don't text and drive. So $6,200 and 2,400 miles in a rental later I made I finally got my car back...again. My car has practically had a 50% of it's exterior replaced in the last 4-5 weeks.

As I was talking with Bill on the way to dinner, I started thinking about my driving record. Let me retrace you through all my actual wrecks and actual tickets.

Age 16 [April/May ish] - I was in a hurry backing out of my driveway and bumped into a visitor's car. The bumper had to be replaced. (the funny part about this story was that it was an Asbury admissions car)
Age 16 [4 months after I had my license] - Totaled a 2005 Mazda B3000, it's like a ford ranger. My parents bought it for my sister and I to use in High School. Oops.
Age 16 [a week later] - Speeding ticket 65 in a 35 in my mom's minivan (this ticket was removed from my record as long as I went to driving school. In my town driving school includes watching a 30 minute video and the police officer telling you all sorts of tips like driving with your lights on makes you look slower, red cars always look faster, that sort of stuff)
- after those last two I couldn't drive for a while...
Age 17 - speeding ticket in NC, 75 in a 55. And it was a construction zone. (this one also got taken off my record because I hired a lawyer who told me that if I did not get another ticket in the state of North Carolina for 3 years it would be removed.)
Age 18 - hit my friends car as I was backing out, paid about $400 to get his front end replaced (didn't go on my record because I just wrote him a check and didn't go through insurance)
Age 19 - ran over a teammate's foot at our end of the year tennis party. (Claim still open.)
Age 20 - rear ended someone in Cleveland (never had to pay or keep record because no real damage happened. It was like a 5mph nudge)
Age 20 - Speeding ticket in New York. We were late and I think I was doing like 75 in a 65 or something. (went on my record)
Age 21 - Speeding ticket in North Dakota 85 in a 55 (this road was the flattest, straightest, most wide open road I had ever seen. I had just gotten to ND and was 5 minutes from meeting my host mom for the summer. Pretty sure this one is on my record)
Age 22 - No speeding tickets so far, but...
Age 22 - rear ended someone because I was a moron and tried to text and drive..

Wow. That was kind of depressing. I have never recalled every single account until just now. The funny thing is, almost all of those incidents happened when I was by myself in the car. I hope my insurance agents don't read my blog.

Convesations I love.

Yesterday, my dad had the day off and my mom had to teach during lunch. We decided to head to the local Mexican restaurant. After an awesome meal there dad had to get back home because he had to prepare to teach his class the following day. I started just bouncing ideas off of him about what I should do and all of my options. I told him that it would almost be easier if I didn't have any options or any money. The more we talked the more I got to really know my dad. I feel as if most parents are humble in the sense that they will always ask and be interested in what is going on in our lives, but there is so much wisdom we can learn by just asking them about themselves. My dad told me about about a six week trip he took to Europe when he was 16. He told me that he traveled those entire six weeks out of a backpack. They would camp out and cook their own meals and occasionally their chaperons would take them to a reserved dinner at a restaurant. We also talked about his stories in the E.R. and how he felt richest during his residency.

He told me that right after medical school he was making about $20,000, living in Savannah, Ga, and married to my mom. They had a small apartment and basically had about $1,000 to spend every month. There were very few expenses and it was just a time of happiness. A few years later they moved to Spartanburg, SC and began family practice. He told me he made more than double his money, but with a new house to pay for, kids, and just more living expenses he did not feel as "rich" as before. That whole story kind of put things into perspective for me. Each shift in wealth brings on more expenses or at least more lax spending habits. Which means that the ratios of wealth will remain the same. You may make $100,000 a year but if you spend 3/4 of that you are really in the same boat as someone who makes $50,000 and spends 3/4 of that.

Our parents can teach us so much about life if we are just willing to ask and listen. As for my mom, she always has these "suggestions" that I tend to run from because they come from her. Terrible I know, but it's a pride thing. I'm working on it. She was the one that suggested I go to college, I tried to run the other way and go to tech school. I am so glad she pushed me forward because without it I would not have come into so many great opportunities with friends, job opportunities and times of struggle and growth. She is still trying to get me married and having kids, by introducing me to EVERY single girl on Bethel's campus and following up with a simple comment like, "I think she is just gorgeous!" She has good intentions at least.

Life update: Still no job, but still not worried. My car will be fixed sometime next week (hopefully). My plans as of now are to go to Lexington next week, then Chicago to see a friend, then Lansing, MI for the Southwestern awards Banquet.