Freedom

I love listening to Hillsong. It's so relieving. I don't even know if that sentence is correct but it's how I feel.

All things on my mind.

I feel like I'm graduating again. Not in the sense that I am super stressed trying to finish up finals. It's different this time. Almost like I have those nervous feelings all over again. So many questions.

"What will I do in 6 months?"
"Where will I live?"
"Who will I meet?"
"How the heck am I going to make money?"

There are more, but why bore you with those. All this to say I'm wondering about the timing of my life. Sometimes I just want to fast forward and be past all of this indecision and freedom. Can I go to Florida tomorrow and chill out for the next two week? Sure I can, but should I? Should I waste my money on relaxing at this age? I told my boss I wanted less hours thinking I could find sooo many other things to do.

Here's what I've discovered about free time. It's only good if other people have it too. (Side note: this is coming from an extreme extrovert). For example, I could have had lunch with people today, watched movies, read a book, played games, or just drove around. Instead I spent much of the day to myself. I enjoyed it as I think everyone needs time alone, but after about 2 hours of it, I was sick of it. Why do our wants and desires have to be what we always don't have. Why can't I just be satisfied with what I have and what I'm doing? Perhaps it's because I am really not doing anything. I want so much to do nothing, but whenever I have the freedom to do nothing I crave excitement and something new.

It's so easy for most people to just tell me that I have time or that God will have a great plan. I am not doubting God, merely trying to speed up his plan. Yes I know that it won't work and that his time is the best time, but right now it kinda sucks. Just writing how I feel.

What to do?

Back to square one. The Navy has gone through several budget cuts and are no longer accepting new applicants until August. No so far away right? Right, except that I've been working on this "application" for several months now and still have not even gone before the boards. I feel as if I'm supposed to move on. I really just want to move to a beach and find a sales job. Is sales hard? Yes. Does it suck getting rejected? Yes. Does it help me grow as a person and always remain positive? Yes.

Therefore I am selling books again. I'm only going for 6 weeks, but I'm going to try sell more books in 6 weeks than I've sold in 12 weeks. In fact if I hit my goal of 3,700 units then I will have sold almost more than my first and second summer combined. I'm excited because we are going to D.C. this summer.
"Wait, didn't he say that last year?"
Yes I did, but it's for real this time. It will be the best 4th of July ever. Not to mention my best summer ever because I'm actually preparing myself to go sell. In past years I've always procrastinated and told myself I was going to get ready but failed to. This summer is different because I want to prove to myself that I can be as successful as I want. I am also planning on earning enough money to go to Europe. Yes that was also in my plan last year, but I'm more ready this year.

What will happen after the 6 weeks and euro trip?
I
Have
No
Idea.

Awesome huh? The good news is that I'm really at peace with it. I am confident I can do anything I want, but I just have to figure out exactly what I want. If you have any awesome ideas of what I should do let me know.

Taylor Swift

This happens with every new album. I start to listen a a few songs and don't really like the rest. The next thing I know the whole CD plays through and I catch myself wanting to listen to another song, then another, then another, and I end up liking every song.

On another note, Grant, my old roommate got me started playing guitar. It's hard. Very hard. I sound terrible right now, but thanks to Ms. Swift I can almost play through an entire song, "Speak Now," is actually pretty easy.

Switching gears again, I took the Navy test for a second time and did much better. I scored 9 points higher giving me a 54 out of 80 instead of a 45. They told me it's actually quite difficult to score about a 55 so I feel decent about my score. A few more options opened up, and I'm still trying to figure out which one would be best for me. The strange thing is that the earliest I can leave is August or October. It will be so strange having a summer that is actually normal. I am usually working a job that occupies every minute of everyday with not much free time haha. Every since I was 13 I've worked away from home. It started with Camp Greystone and evolved into selling books. I have to be honest, as crazy as it sounds, I'm going to miss selling books. There's something so rewarding about always thinking positive and really getting on a tight schedule of reading and work.

Off to bed for me.

We know what we want to know.

I don't know if this happens to you all much but it seems to me that recently I have been asking questions I already know the answer to. It's like when you ask yourself what you should do and then don't like the answer you come up with so you ask someone else in hopes to get a different one. Basically it's a way that I procrastinate doing what I know is right. Even if someone did give me different advice, I would still feel guilty following their advice because deep down I knew the right answer all along. And that is where I am with this current decision. It cannot be.

Navy Update

As I have talked about before, the Navy is in my sights. I am planning on retaking the test on January 17th in Nashville this time. Here's some interesting news that I learned from the recruiter yesterday. My 45 out of 80 was actually a fairly average score. The recruiter said that above average is 50. He told me that very few people are able to score above 55. He also convinced me to retake the aviation portion of the test even though I don't really know if I want to be a pilot. I thought that I didn't really want to at first, but when I realized that I have 20/20 vision, and really no other health problems, I have an advantage in that aspect. At this point, even with a good score, there are so many people rushing to get into the military or deciding to re-sign. Basically, I need all the help I can get.

Thinking about my reconsideration of being a pilot made me wonder what if someone actually possessed the talent to be the best at something but never became the best. I've had these thoughts before. Suppose that if I had gotten the fundamentals down for hockey and living up north where hockey ruled, I could be an awesome hockey player right now. However we will never know if that could have been because my childhood held zero exposure to hockey except for a few video games on the gamecube. The same could be true for someone else, what if talent never gets noticed or even given a chance to? There are so many opportunities for people to become, but what if they never do?

It's here.

In college was used to talk about going out into real life. Well [insert title]. I thought I would be better at it, but we all give ourselves more credit than we deserve. While I'm thankful that I have a job at Asuka, it seems so mundane and useless at times. Deep down I know that I can still learn from the 4:30-10 shifts, but I have to really open my mind and look for the opportunities. Like managing my money better. All through college life was so easy. Would I rather go see a movie or go out to eat? Now it's like I would rather pay my rent than eat out. Stop those thoughts because this is not about to turn into a pity party. I love my life and I love trying to figure out how to make wise choices instead of good choices.

When I was in high school my mom taught "Financial Peace University," by Dave Ramsey to college students or married couples. She also made each of us go through the seminar. Being in high school I felt like money management was a long way off and so I ignored most of it. Sorry Mom. Recently, I decided to read "The Total Money Makeover" also written by Ramsey. I expected it to be a quick budgeting review of FPU but instead that it is more like a lifestyle review. The most interesting chapter was the College Funding chapter. It contained an idea that I'm seeing in myself and in the vast majority of my peers.

"We have sold our young people so hard and so long on college that we have begun to accept the myths about college degrees. College degrees do not ensure jobs. College degrees certainly don't ensure success. College degrees do not ensure wealth. We all know college-educated people who are broke and unemployed. They are very disillusioned because they thought they had bought a ticket and yet were denied a seat on the train to success."

Success for most people takes time and lots of effort. For me it was selling books. I may not have made $30,000 in one summer, but I made enough to prove to myself that I could be successful by not giving up. It has also prepared me for right now. I am able to live within my means and be comfortable because selling books was so much more intense. I don't know how most of my blogs end up talking about selling books, but I just can't believe that I'm still cashing in on those experiences.